FIRST: sorry for lack of updates recently. I was out of town. will explain. SOON.
I want to turn this into a personal essay on my own time, but I'm really tired and lazy but in a mood I want to capture/elaborate on later. so I'm publicizing my crap that will evolve into a beautiful butterfly someday soon.
I'm at a weird point in my life right now. don't really know where I'm going (except for more school), and that makes me feel lost. sometimes I feel much older than I am. I know I'm the type of person that needs a direction. at the same time I'm feeling super nostalgic and also frustrated with the past. I look back on my triumphs in high school, and I miss certain stretches of months. and then I look back on all the things I felt were unfair, and I get angry. I felt I was cheated out of a lot of things I worked my ass off for. whereas my triumphs... like senior year tennis season... made me feel like I got exactly what I deserved. and I felt alive at the net. I miss being good at tennis. I miss being good at so many things... I'm trying to reclaim my talents, but there's no escaping the feeling that I'll never be as multi-talented as I was in high school.
I wanna get it back. there are so many things I want to do every day. I need to figure out a way to fit everything in.
